No explanations owed

Hey Insiders! Welcome to the Well.


Lately I’ve been noticing my tendency to explain myself regardless of whether I’ve been probed for an explanation. This is an exhausting task. I feel drained as I try to find the words to justify some of the choices I’m making, especially when I am feeling confident about them in my heart.


Do you explain yourself often? Do you find that simply stating your choice isn’t enough, but that you need to back it up with “evidence”?


First of all, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone – regardless of whether or not they’ve asked. You certainly can if you want to, because giving someone insight into why we make choices can be an act of intimacy and a form of bonding. Listen to your gut, if you sense that you are being prompted for information by someone with a negative or destructive motive, think twice about honoring it with a response.


Sometimes people ask for information so they can be supportive and constructive, and sometimes people are asking for details because they are feeling judgmental and critical. If you do open up to someone who has ill intentions, try to use it as a learning experience.


Of course, if we never explain where we are coming from, we miss valuable opportunities for advice. So, when you are seeking guidance, talk to people you trust. Talk to your best friends, family, partner – people who are all rooting for you and want the best for you. If one of these people disagrees with you and offers their opinion, you can trust it is coming from a place of love.



Unnecessary self-explanation punches a hole in our energy levels. One of the best ways to notice if you are offering yourself up without reason is to check in with your body. Take a moment to breathe and assess if you are feeling tight in any of the areas where you tend to carry stress. For me, this is my throat region. If you have shared a choice you have made, and are feeling like you need to explain yourself, try just saying, “I feel good about it,” or “I’m feeling satisfied with my decision.” Of course, you don’t have to say anything. I’m referring specifically to when you have an urge to follow something up with a statement.


As with most adaptations to our behavior, this can take practice. It will get easier as you practice, and you’ll feel more confident when you don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone. This is a great way to establish a personal boundary and a wonderful demonstration of self-love.


Have you ever struggled with the urge to over explain yourself? I’d love to hear about it in the comments! Thanks for stopping by the Well.

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